Good Morning Texas’ Paige McCoy Smith shares heartfelt tips for re-igniting the flame in your marriage….
by Paige McCoy Smith | Contributor
I’ve lost him. He’s gone. I’m talking of course about my 16-year-old son. He’s still in the house – I know that because I can’t keep our fridge stocked. But he is lost behind the glow of a computer and inside the cryptic world of endless text messages. It’s not his fault. It’s HER fault. Yes, he is in love. I should say he is madly in love. We recently escorted the two love birds to a movie, and I was struck by the fact that they literally could not detach themselves from each other. I watched him carry a large popcorn in one hand and a large soda under his armpit so he would not have to pry his hand out of hers. I rolled my eyes, and then I felt it. I felt that twinge of a memory bubbling up that made me feel a bit nostalgic. I remember feeling that way – and feeling that way about the man who was parking the mini-van outside while we found our seats. I remember when I was consumed with thoughts of him and time together was the ONE and ONLY priority. Truth be told, today I spend more time thinking about what shoes I am going to wear rather than romantic thoughts of my husband.
I know I am not alone. It’s tough to keep that flame burning when daily realities are causing romantic life to go up in smoke! So what’s a girl to do? I’ve come up with a secret plan designed to rekindle that long-forgotten spark. Ok – it’s not really a secret since I’m letting you in on it – but let’s pretend I am whispering it to you, and I hope you will be inspired.
I am leaving love notes. I discovered that my computer-driven hands can still grip a pencil, and I am leaving bits of paper in different locations that only he will find. True, it takes a little more effort than shooting off a text, but it fosters memories of passing notes in class and makes him smile. It also makes me smile. I already have tomorrow’s note drafted. Take a look….
DO YOU LIKE ME? YES OR NO (CIRCLE ONE)
Date nights seem like an obvious solution for reconnecting. But the last few date nights we had didn’t go so well. Although we had good intentions of keeping the conversation off the kids and on one another, we were sometimes left with very little to say. Desperate, I weighed the risks and brought up the upcoming presidential campaign (a true Hail Mary) which served as a spring board to campaign finance, which led to our finances, and ultimately to a rough landing on kids’ allowance. We rode home in silence. So the next time I am bringing some Conversation Cards. I will use index cards, but you can simply pull some questions from www.conversationstarters.com. Some of the questions are better served for strangers, but some could be enlightening. For instance, “what is the thing you miss most about being a kid?” or “if you had to be an animal – what would you be?”. You may be surprised what you learn about the man sleeping in your bed.
ACTS OF KINDNESS
As for me, my “love language” is words of affection. Tell me I look skinny and you have a friend for life. For my husband, and for many men, their “love language” is acts of kindness. Getting the oil changed, buying him new underwear, or a giving him a simple foot massage may be just the ticket to make him feel loved and to bring you closer. I admit this one is hard for me. But carving out a little portion of our serving pie to our spouse could make a big difference in the overall health of the marriage.
I must confess – it kinda gives me the heebie-jeebies taking love lessons from a love-sick teenager – especially one who happens to be my son. But love should not be reserved for just the young. Those butterflies that flew in our teenage stomachs are still there. They may have temporarily been re-cocooned… but they are anxious for an excuse to take flight!
Until we meet again,
PS: Look for me on WFAA Channel 8 Monday through Friday at 9:00 AM!