By Tanni Haas, Ph.D.
Kids need a good night’s sleep to make it through the long school day ahead of them. Unfortunately, nightmares are more common than most people realize. About one-quarter of kids have at least one nightmare a week, and roughly about 70 % of kids experience one occasionally. To make matters worse, many kids spend the entire next day worrying about the scary dreams they had the night before. The good news is that there are a number of things parents can do to help prevent nightmares from occurring in the first place. Here’s what the experts suggest:
Get to the reality behind the nightmares
The first and most important thing parents can do is to get to the reality behind the nightmares. It sounds obvious but the best thing you can do is to address any negative emotions they may be experiencing at the moment. “Bad dreams at night are compositions that come from a pallet of daytime emotions including sadness, frustration, fear, embarrassment, shyness and shame,” says Dr. Carolina Baker, author of 1, 2, 3, 4: Nightmare No More. “Ask your kids about what’s going on at school, with their friends, and if anything is bothering them. The goal, as Dr. Baker puts it, is to help your kids “make the connection between events, thoughts and feelings during the day, and bad dreams at night.”
Remind them that nightmares aren’t real
An important corollary is to remind them that nightmares aren’t real but rather a way for their brains to process their emotions. Child psychologist Dr. Catrina Litzenburg advises parents to say things like “Nightmares can be really scary, but it’s not actually happening. You’re safe in your bed and in your room.’” For kids who’ve learned to write, Dr. Litzenburg suggests writing note cards, saying “Nightmares aren’t real” or “I’m safe in my bed,” and then leaving them around their bedroom in places they can easily see.
Have them tear up scary images
Yet another way to help your kids avoid nightmares, or to make them less scary if they occur, is to have them draw up an image of the recurring nightmare and then tear it up before they go to sleep. “By exposing themselves visually and verbally to the scary image,” says psychotherapist Annie Armstrong Miyao, “they can make it less potent.”
Create a calm and consistent bedtime routine
As the day ends, maintain a calm and consistent bedtime routine. If you have such a routine, says child psychologist Dr. Gwen Dewar, your kids “will learn to associate sleep onset with feeling safe and tranquil.” Ms. Miyao advises parents to minimize stimulation before bedtime, and that includes “no screen time, no scary stories, no rough and tumble or overly active imagination play.” Instead, Ms. Miyao suggests, “do simple, quiet things, like a board game or extra reading or some drawing.” She also recommends guided mediations to help your kids calmly drift to sleep, and writing down all the good things that happened to them that day.
Following a consistent bedtime routine doesn’t mean that you and your spouse need to follow the same routine as kids quickly gets used to different bedtime routine from different caregivers. “For example,” says pediatric sleep consultant Amy Bassett, “it’s OK if mom always reads a story before singing and dad likes to sing first, followed by a story. It’s only important that your child knows the routine and that it cues sleep is on the horizon for them.”
Leave door open and hall light on
Once your bedtime routine is over, leave the door to your kids’ bedroom open and the hallway lights on. It’s tempting to close off your kids from any outside stimuli but “the truth,” Ms. Holthaus says, “is that kids feel less alone and probably find it easier to drift off to the background of familiar household noises while a little light comes into the room.”
Scan the room before they go to sleep
Before you leave their room for the night, do one last “room check” and point out all the tricks that that their eyes can play on them and that can inspire nightmares during the night. Dr. Litzenburg suggests that parents say things like “See, it’s not a witch, it’s just your coat hanging from a chair” or “See the shadows that are moving on your wall? Those aren’t bad guys creeping into the house, they’re the headlights from the cars driving by.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences, and Disorders at The City University of New York – Brooklyn College.
