b'Do you remember your first boyfriend or girlfriend? I do. His Do I feel safe in this situation? name was Bryan. He was a popular skater boy who had a lot of Is this hurting my feelings or my body? friends, and I was in the middle of a major identity crisis trying to figure out where I fit in. We went out for two whole weeks Are my choices being respected? (although we didnt actually go out anywhere) before we shared a quick 0.5 second kiss by my locker on the way to lunch in eighth Is my voice being heard? grade. Our friends all giggled when we walked into the cafeteria Is there a chance I may regret this later? afterwards because naturally the peck had been premediated and planned out by at least 6 other people. He broke up with me that Would I feel guilty or ashamed if my friends or family found night on instant messenger because he wanted to go out with Margaret instead. out about this?What is my gut telling me?AremypartnerandIequallysharingdecision-making Keeping lines of communicationresponsibilities? open with your teen is alwaysKeeping lines of communication open with your teen is always important, whether by example or through direct conversations. important, whether by example orTry to ask questions about their own experiences before giving through direct conversations. yourownadvice,andtrytolistenmorethanyoutalk.By communicating intentionally, you let your teen know that you are on their side and that your love is not conditional.Need additional support? Girls to Women and Young Mens Health & Wellness can help you get the conversation started or check out any of the resources listed below.Luckily,Ivelearnedalotaboutrelationshipssincemiddle school, but it took a lot of trial and error to learn about what aEditorsNote:GraceGillaspieGrayisaPediatricNursePractitioner healthy relationship actually looks like.at Girls to Women/Young Mens Health and Wellness with locations in There are a few prerequisites to growing a healthy relationship.Dallas, Fort Worth and McKinney (opening February 2020), Texas. For First, parents must model and teach teens about how to lovemore information, visit their website atwww.gtw-health.comor call 972-andprotectthemselvesandstressthisastheirfirstpriority.733-6565.Adolescence is a time for significant identity transformation, so expecting teens to know exactly who they are is unrealistic. It does not matter whether youre divorced, single, dating, remarried, orRESOURCES:happily married to your teens other parent. What matters is that they observe your relationships with others. Second, be honest about your own relationships. Dont hide theTurning Point-Rape Crisis Hotline and Center fact that you have arguments. Let them see how disagreements800.886.7243play out and what it looks like to have an argument. Let them see you compromise and come to an agreement. Let them see when you have to admit that you were in the wrong and let them witness you apologizing. And definitely let them see when youTexas Teen Runaway Hotline make up and realize the relationship is more important than the888.580.HELPargument.Third, if your teenager decides they want to date, its okay to give your input, but dont expect them to agree with everything you say. Even though they may share DNA or have lived in your homeNational Dating Abuse Help Line all or most of their life, they are still their own person and are800.331.9474going to make their own decisions. Safety should be the number one boundary, and this is non-negotiable. Let them know that they can always come to you for help. (And if they do come to youThe Trevor Lifeline-Hotline for LGBTQ Teen for help, offer it without making them feel ashamed.) Reinforce self-love and self-protection. Always remember that no parent866.488.7386is perfect, and your efforts to care for your teen will always be meaningful. Posing questions, rather than giving direct advice, can also helpThe Family Place-Domestic Violence Hotline teensrecognizeiftheyarelovingandprotectingthemselves. 214.941.1991Good examples include: GoodLifeFamilyMag.comJANUARY | FEBRUARY 2020 69'