b'Children need love and attention from their parents, but havinggood idea because that can create jealousy and low self-esteem, two or more children can pose a challenge for moms and dads tothus accentuating a sibling rivalry. At the same time, children may spread the warmth evenly. think the parent is showing favoritism. Susie may be faster thanSometimesthisimbalanceoccurswhensiblingsaresharplyJohnny, but Johnny may be a brilliant chess player, Lynch says. different in terms of talents and personality. Jennifer Lynch, anSo when they begin to compare themselves with their siblings, educator, child advocate, and author of the childrens bookLivitake that conversation and turn it into how great it is that they and Grace, says giving children equal attentiveness is importanteach have a place that shines. And bring in more examples of how totheirhappinessandstartswithparentsappreciatingtheirtheir differences are beautiful and important. Set up scenarios uniqueness. showing examples of how those differences are good. Childrenareunique,unknownlittlepeoplewaitingtobeShow your love for them.You obviously love your children, revealed, Lynch says. Parents need to ask themselves, how can Isodontbeafraidtoshowit,Lynchsays.Givethemthat embrace these differences and make each child feel and recognizeauthentic shout-out, or the gentle, grace-filled redirection and theirbeautiful uniqueness? encouragementwhentheyneedtotryagainatsomething, Let the mystery of who they are and who they are meant to bewhether its poor behavior or just losing a game. Leave the shame unfold in their own authentic way, however awesome or peculiarout of it.it is. Everyone is different, and its important to make every childValidate them but be authentic.When it comes to praise, Lynch feel special, important, and loved. says quality is much more important than quantity. Children Lynch offers these tips to help parents balance their attentioncan recognize a fake compliment a mile away, Lynch says. They on multiple children who have different interests, personalities,know if youve really seen them or not. They know if its from the and talents: heart or just surface praise.Give them quality one-on-one time.Consistently taking timeIn these ways, showing appreciation for who each of them is to give your children one-on-one time, Lynch says, shows themwill help your children develop confidence in themselves, Lynch you care and that they are important. This means no phones,says. They will take your lead and begin to find other amazing no distractions, and being 100 percent present with your child,thingsaboutthemselves.Makingeachofyourverydifferent Lynch says. Make eye contact, ask questions, and just listen andchildren feel truly loved and valued will help them grow up to be let them lead at whatever activity or interaction is taking place.happy and responsible adults.This makes them feel safe, in control, and loved.Celebratetheiruniqueness. AnimbalanceinparentalEditors Note: Jennifer Lynch is an educator and child advocate. She is also attentioncanleadtosiblingscomparingthemselvesneveraa childrens author; visit her website at www.jenniferlynchbooks.com.GoodLifeFamilyMag.comJANUARY | FEBRUARY 2020 49'