b'BRIDGING THE DIGITAL GENERATION GAPHow to Talk to Your Teens about Internet Use with Understanding Instead of Judgment By Dr. Dean Beckloff | ContributorIts quite typical and happens with each generationWhats this1)Dontnegateorcomplainabouttheteensworld,what younger generation coming to! I remember being the recipienttheyre engaging in, and the world of social media/electronics. of it when I was young, and Ive continued to hear the complaintAgain, they need our helping hand not our pointing finger. The about the next generation through the years.teen needs your understanding.I believe weve all been concerned about social media, and the amount of time that teens are spending on it. With the advent2)Putonthelisteningear.Talk,butthenlisten.Ilovethe of smart phones, social media has exploded. I hear from parentsstatement,mostofuslisteninordertorespondinsteadof constantly how much their teens are on their phones using theselisteningtounderstand.Knowthedifference.Youmayhave apps, and how much time teens are spending on gaming, as wellapointtomake,butfirstunderstand,andthenspeakthat parents concerns for their teens well-being and mental health. understanding back to your teen to ensure youve understood. Some have coined now what is called social media depression,Your teen will feel understood, and therefore cared about.whichreferstoaclinicaldepressionthatresultsfromthe intensity, pressure, and eventual isolation stemming from social3) Honor and respect what your teen knows and the values they media use (Barnes & Wills, Understanding Mental Illness). Itare already demonstrating. At times, parents are so surprised to sure does sound familiar to a number of us adults. The parents Ihear what is coming out of their teens mouth when they are given speak to in our counseling center are frankly worried about theira chance to speak at our counseling center. Your teen has some kids. They are spending a ton of time on their electronics, anddeep understanding, and given the chance, may surprise you with not much else is happening in their lives! They wont do anythingwhat they believe to be truein a good way.else, is the cry we hear. One of their desperate concerns is the isolation they see in their teen. Their teens appear to be in a bad4) Give your own feedback, and what you believe, calmly and mood or depressed, are not getting the sleep they need, and seemsurely without a great deal of emotion. Your teen may reject irritable much of the time. what you say, but your words will have their influence. Again, Weknowthisisntgoodourkidsaresuffering,theyredont be critical of your son or daughter, just state your guidance depressedsomething wed never planned on encountering withof what you think would be helpfuland then allow that to sink our child. Taking action is what is called for to help our teens whoin and sift through their thinking. Your advice and guidance will may be in trouble.help your teen as they navigate in their world.Yourteenmaybespendinganinordinateamountoftime posting pictures, instead of really being with people. He or she5) If you think your teen is addicted to their platforms and may be spending too much time on that smart phone, checkingelectronics,getsomehelpthroughcounseling.Theyneed obsessively the different social media platforms to see the numberexactlywhatcounselingis:facetofacewithanotherhuman of likes they are getting. They may be overly concerned aboutbeing, relating and discussing and processingtogether. their appearance, feeling like they dont meet the standard for looking good. They just seem to be comparing themselves over6) If you see the signs of depression, get help. Get them in front and overand feeling like they are falling short. And meanwhile,of a counselor who may be able to help them reason and work out their grades are slipping, and theyre not getting with any realsolutions to the problems they are experiencing with electronics/people outside of the electronic world! social media.Letsremember,ourteensneedguidance.Theydontneed condemnation. Our teens need our insight and our discussion.7) Watch your own social media habits. How much time are you They need help if theyre depressed, not finger pointing at socialon social media? Remember to model the behavior you wish to media and electronics. Certainly, our teens live in a differentsee in your teen.world from the one I grew up in and perhaps the one you grew up in. The pressures are unique. The stressors they experience areSurelywithabetterunderstandingabouteachother,wecan quite different. But thats neither good or bad, it just is. Our teensfind our way through this new world of electronics, gaming, and need our guidance and our listening ears as they try to balancesocial media. This generation is a generation of promise, with a brave new world. And as parents we need to help our teenshigh hopesand we can be proud of them and the decisions they through this struggle to grow up and into independent adults. are making. I believe in them, and in the help they will be giving Whats a parent to do? Perhaps all of us are struggling to learnto each other, and to this world of ours. about this brave new world, in order to help our teens grow and mature. I believe that we need to put our heads together, obtain new research, and keep learning. Here are a few tips on how toEditors Note: Dr. Dean Beckloff is the founder of The Beckloff Pediatric positively communicate with your teen about social media use: Behavior Center.Reach him at 972.250.1700 or www.drbeckloff.com.GoodLifeFamilyMag.comJANUARY | FEBRUARY 2020 65'