b'you had not even considered.holidays. What can a person do to honor the loss but still man-A few days ago, a friend of mine posted a few funny shots ofage to find joy and comfort in the holiday season?their holiday card family photo shootin October. You might be thinking, Thats ridiculous. Its October. I thought, Good forA: During your holiday planning, set aside time to honor loved her! Instead of judging her, lets applaud her for getting aheadones who are not present during the holidays. This could include of her to-do list! Again, some people complain about the stressa day you only do things that he or she would have loved. Go out of the holidays, but how many are getting organized in advance?and enjoy what they would have enjoyed and honor them that way. Q: Its no surprise that shopping and gift-giving are high on theIf your grief is such that you are not fit for public consumption, list of stressful things about the holidays. Is there any way tochoose a quiet activity at home that allows your head and heart ease the pressure around gift-giving? ample time to reflect and relive the good memories of that per-son. Look at photos or videos, read old cards from them, pull out A: Yes, but you may not like the answer. Large families can drawand touch items that were theirs. Give yourself time to process names, make a rule that only kids receive gifts, create a themethe feelings and emotions youre having about your loved one. that everyone must shop for (such as movies or books), or put aDenying or ignoring these feelings only makes the feelings worse. financial limit on what everyone can spend. I bet youre alreadyGrant yourself the time to grieve, process, relive, or remember coming up with reasons in your head why none of these will workyour connection and love for that person. for your family, right? My point exactly. The answer to creating a less stressful holiday is there, but most people cant handle the less-is-more approach.Editors Note: The Grant Halliburton Foundation works to strengthen the Imalsogivingyoupermissiontoditchthisidea:Well,shenetwork of mental health resources for children, teens, and young adults; boughtmesomething,soIhavetoreciprocate.Thislineofpromote better mental health; and prevent suicide. For more information, thinking is a slippery slope. Youll never be able to foresee all thego to GrantHalliburton.orgpeople who will give you a small, unexpected gift. Learn the art of saying thank you and keep moving forward with your day. Q: Family drama! Its almost guaranteed to rear its ugly head sometime during the holidaysand often at the worst possible moment. You know its going to happen. What can you do to ward off or minimize family drama? Your family may never A: Ahh, the million-dollar question! If I knew the answer to this,be immune to drama I would be a million-dollar therapist! All jokes aside, heres theat the holidays, but you deal. Your family may never be immune to drama at the holidays,can learn not to throw but you can learn not to throw gasoline on it.gasoline on it. I work with many teenagers in my practice, and we are constantly talking about the drama in their lives. I encourage them not to engage in the drama but to just smile and nod and keep moving. I coach them to say cool and move on. This tactic applies with Uncle Larry at the table who wants to criticize what you are (or arent) eating. This applies to Aunt Pam who asks the most social-ly anxious nephew at the table to tell everyone about school. Use all the deflection tactics you knowhumor, change the subject, or just smile and nod and say, You know, Uncle Larry, Im not sure. On a personal note, another tactic is to share a moment with your partner before the trip, party, or weekend and say something along these lines: Listen, you know my family gets to me. I need your help this weekend. I dont want to fight with you, but my family makes me so crazy that I might get agitated with you. I dont mean it. I need you on my side this weekend, okay? I cant deal with them and fight with you, so lets agree to give each other some latitude, okay? And please help me not slap anyone. This small but powerful conver-sation can set the tone and strengthen a bond between partners. I promise you this conversation works. I may or may not have used this with my own husband. Q: Feelings of loss and sadness are often amplified during the 38GoodLifeFamilyMag.comNOVEMBER | DECEMBER 2019'