b'Y ouve probably heard this or seen at least one of a thousand memes about it: to love others, you must first love yourself. While it sounds like sage advice, I dont agree with it. Not one bit. Ive witnessed a tremendous amount of love poured outLOVE INVOLVES GIVING AND from some of the most genuinely self-deprecating individuals. Ive known people who were brutally hard on themselves but sharedRECEIVING. IF A PERSON love generously with friends, family, and acquaintances. When a person chooses to love another, the inner critic cant always stopDOESNT CARE MUCH FOR him. Before I go any further, know that whenever I talk or write aboutHERSELF, SHE MIGHT love,Imreferringtoacts,notfeelingsassociatedwithloveor being in love. The love I write about involves patience, service,THINK SHES UNWORTHY compassion,encouragement,forgiveness,andacceptance.This love might be romantic, but it also includes the love given to aOF RECEIVING LOVE AND, friend, parent, or child.While I dont believe that people cant love others unless they loveTHEREFORE, RESIST themselves (first or ever), I do believe they could experience love better.ACCEPTING LOVE FROM I ran this ideathe relationship between self-love and the love for othersby my team of practitioners at The Counseling Place, andOTHERS.of course, I explored the Internet. I learned Im not alone in my opinion, and some themes and connections appeared again and again. THE CONNECTION BETWEEN HAPPINESS & LOVE of love keeps a relationship off balance. At some point, denying Happiness consists of various components, with an emphasis onanothers acts of love can damage the relationship. overall well-being and emotional health. While happiness and loveSometimes the refusal to accept gestures of love is an under-the-make good company, they are not equal. Love impacts, but is notradar way to exert power or feel in control. That dynamic, however, a direct route to, happiness. Happiness, on the other hand, directlyweakens bonds and prevents a relationship from thriving. Once affects how well a person can give and receive love. Ones level ofagain, people can share their love with others, but if they wont happiness also influences how a person manages the less desirableaccept it in return, they miss out.feelings (like anxiety and grief) love sometimes brings. If individuals tend to focus on all the things they dont like aboutSELF-ACCEPTANCE, HAPPINESS, & LOVEthemselves,theyarelimitingtheirhappiness.BylimitingtheirSelf-acceptance was the most prevalent topic in the feedback I own happiness, they also reduce their ability to engage in deep,received from my team. Kyleigh Johnson, a therapist who works meaningful, loving relationships. They can love but not as fully. mostly with children, helps young people lift the burden of whats missing and learn to see the positives they already have. She also LOVE & RECIPROCITY workswithclientstoaddressperfectionism,anemesisofself-Love involves giving and receiving. When people dont care muchacceptance. for themselves, they might think theyre unworthy of receiving loveJohnson pointed me to The Gifts of Imperfection, in which author and, therefore, resist accepting love from others. This rejectionBrenBrownemphasizesthedifferencebetweenstrivingtobe our best (healthy) and perfectionism (not at all healthy). Brown describes perfectionism as a way to avoid pain (the idea that if were perfect, bad things wont happen). Brown says its a shield, Its a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect WHILE HAPPINESS ANDus when, in fact, its the thing thats really preventing us from flight. Self-acceptance strengthens mental health and supports happiness. LOVE MAKE GOOD COMPANY,Self-acceptance means a person understands that being flawed is human and that imperfections simply differentiate one human from THEY ARE NOT EQUAL.another.Self-acceptanceinvolvesshowingoneselfcompassion, patience, and grace. It includes forgiving oneself for mistakes and LOVE IMPACTS, BUT ISforgetfulness. All of these acts are also acts of love. When a person chooses self-NOT A DIRECT ROUTE TO,acceptance, love can flow more freely, and we can all experience love better. HAPPINESS.Editors Note: Deborah W. Dobbs is the Executive Director of The Counseling Place, a nonprofit agency providing affordable, professional and education services and counseling. Reach her at 469.283.0242 or couselingplace.org.GoodLifeFamilyMag.comMAY | JUNE 201917'