26 GoodLifeFamilyMag.com SEPTEMBER | OCTOBER 2018 “I never thought I’d end up here,” you might be thinking as you ponder life as a single parent following your divorce. Now, you find yourself maneuvering through the unfamiliar territory of dating in midlife. It’s a bit strange and uncomfortable—not at all like dating in your teens and twenties. Back then, dating was a bit…different. You didn’t have social media, smart phones, dating apps, selfies or reality dating peep-shows like The Bachelorette. Plus, you were young, in better shape, childless and just starting out in your career. Now, you’re either in the thick of active parenting or on the tail end of it ready to be an empty-nester. You’re navigating social media with the help of your teens, struggling to upload photos and understand hashtags. You’re figuring out which online dating site works best for more seasoned folks (Tinder? Match.com? eharmony?). And you’re trying to take selfies that minimize your wrinkles, bald spot or love handles. What’s a middle-aged single parent to do? I asked my friend Patty*, a single mom in her 50s, to share some insights. Divorced since 2005, Patty found herself single, raising two teenagers, and unexpectedly starting anew in her 40s. Wisely, she realized she wasn’t quite ready to date for a while. “Don’t date until you know you’re ready,” Patty explains. “Your heart must be open and healed. While it’s okay to feel hurt and disappointed, you can’t still be angry about the divorce.” If you are, she says, it will color your dating experience in a negative way. Plus, you sometimes feel desperate when you’re freshly divorced, thinking anyone is better than no one. “You’ve got to be okay being by yourself,” notes Patty, who knew she was finally ready to date when she saw her ex and realized she no longer cared. Marcus*, a single dad in his 40s, agrees. “I’ve been on so many dates with women who carry more baggage than the DFW airport,” he says. In fact, both men and women often carry baggage into their dates. Their exes cheated on them, so now they don’t trust any man or woman. Or they’re exes treated them badly, so now they have an attitude that all men or women treat their dates badly. This leaves their dates wanting to scream, “I am not your ex!” When Patty finally did start dating, she quickly found a rhythm of how most first dates go. “You talk about the elephant in the room,” she explains. Those get-to-know-you-better first dates often focus on how you got where you are right now (divorced, widowed), whether you’ve got kids (how many, what ages) and, if so, where the kids live (with you, shared THE JOYS (AND PITFALLS) OF DATING AS A SINGLE PARENT by Lisa A. Beach