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50 GoodLifeFamilyMag.com JULY AUGUST 2015 Have you ever had a total meltdown You know one of those re- ally embarrassing drama-filled episodes where you announce to yourself and the world seemingly out of nowhere that in no un- certain terms you Just. Cant. Take. It. Anymore. But how did you get to that emotional point of no return so quickly The answer may surprise you . . . you didnt. Unless youre wired with an eerily steely reserve like Tony Soprano your much-needed meltdown has been in the works for some time youve simply cho- sen to ignore its warning signals. Lets take a look at the making of the Much-Needed Meltdown PHASE ONE THE GUT REACTION Your body is the first and also the last to let you know when your lifes getting out of balance. On a physiological level your fight or flight alarm rings almost immediately when faced with potential danger your palms sweat your stomach pits your face feels hot. These are clear signs that trouble is imminent. But lets say youre not faced with a physical danger like being eat- en by lions but by an emotional or spiritual one. For example your co-worker repeatedly asks for favors and even though you agree to help her you notice your jaw clenches as you say yes. Its very easy to rationalize your answer after all you keep your Handy Dandy List of Excuses for Helping Others in Lieu of Yourself in your top desk drawer. An excerpt from this list might include 1 I should help others right 2 She doesnt have anybody else and I should rescue her. 3 She did help me that one time four years ago even though it was her job. 4 I dont want the group to think Im lazy. 5 I guess it wouldnt hurt me. Its true that helping others is a gift to our spirit In fact relation- ships volunteer organizations and community groups are essential to our senses of belonging and well-being. However they should add to your daily joy not chip away at any emphasis on your own needs. Its not possible to help others in an effective and meaningful way when you feel depleted and doing a task or favor that leaves you resentful does not serve anyone particularly yourself. PHASETWO THE PHYSICAL PAIN Okay so you ignored your gut reaction. Your Handy Dandy List gave you full permission to override your feelings. You plunged ahead into resolving someone elses problem. Again. Now you notice something longer-lasting than the gut reaction enter the physical pain. It usually begins in a subtle way you get a three-day headache after completing your co-workers project or a rash develops while working on a committee for which you regret signing up perhaps you get shoulder pain every time you haul your teenagers giant basket of laundry up the stairs something hes been told many times to do himself. Your body is clearly telling you that somethings gotta give Withoutadoubtunresolvedfeelingsincludingfrustrationand anger will manifest in the body in a physiological way says Dallas psychotherapist Mary Sanger of Insights Collaborative Therapy Group. Theres simply no getting around this fact though I see people trying to do so every day. PHASETHREE THE KABLOOIE Funny but many of us would rather reach the boiling point than establish healthy boundaries in a proactive way. Though a Much-Needed Meltdown may be the only thing dramatic enough to get your and others attention it can also be highly embarrass- ing and carry its own set of consequences. Meltdowns are sometimes inevitable Sanger says. But its im- portant to remember the negative impact they can have not only on ourselves but also on others. Practicing regular boundary set- ting and self-soothing are the keys to keeping meltdowns at bay. HOWTO PREVENTTHE MELTDOWN Pay attention to your bodys signals. When a task favor or commitment triggers physical discomfort stop and ask yourself why you are doing it. If its not something you must do communicate and delegate to others their need to participate. Practice self-care regular exercise deep breathing meditation and listening to soothing music are all important tools for keeping melt- downs at bay. For more information contact Mary Sanger at Insights Collaborative Therapy Group www.insightstherapty.com. The Much-Needed Meltdown by Kristin Cicciarelli Contributor goodHEALTH