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74 GoodLifeFamilyMag.com MAY JUNE 2016 Help your children find their own success in ways that are meaningful to them. Guide them towards achievement of authentic success which according to my colleague Ken Ginsburg MD national expert on raising resilient children and teens includes happiness an ability to make and maintain meaningful relationships generosity compassion a desire to contribute creativity and innovation and of course resilience. From Letting Go with Love and Confidence We help children achieve authentic success by discouraging the idea that kids need to be good at everything to succeed we help them understand that we all have areas where we shine and others in which we may struggle. We build on this ethic by celebrating kids academic accomplishments but also acknowledging that they are so much more than their report cards or test scores. We encourage them to understand the value of success when we allow them to fail this is how they learn their limits and decide what they want to improve upon. For when kids are afraid to fail they are often reluctant to try new things they may or may not be good at possibly leading to a very restricted range of experiences over their lifetime. We want them to enjoy all aspects of their lives even the ones they may not be the best at. Theres still a college out there where he or she will thriveI promise. continued from FindingtheRightKindofBalance Page 42 IN A WORLD FRAMED BY BAD GOOD BETTER AND BEST children who are just developing their competencies at communicating with others learning how to learn adjusting to their changing bodies and understanding themselves have become a very stressed generation. of homework they are handling. A California teacher interviewed in the movie believes schools are taking away the joy of learning in the process and that the culture of education today will further roboticize and mechanize academic competitors. Another teacher asks When did schools get to dictate what happens when kids go home And is the increased homework helping them academically Not necessarily especially when you consider that many countries that outperform the U.S. academically have much less homework than we do. As much as we want our children to succeed ultimately we all want to see them as happy and productive adults. Dr. Gluckman believes we have to focus on their spirit that part of them that comes from the inside and helps them to establish their identity. Knowing who I am and being proud of myself having self- confidence and high self-esteem begins with having a healthy spirit she says. And according to Dr. Beckloff No one knows better the pulse of their child than the parent. He points out that some kids are able to handle more than others too and we should model what we expect from our kids. After all were under a lot of stress too. Dr. Beckloff says to go with your parental instinct. As parents you know when somethings not quite right. He suggests you 1. Be aware of how your children are functioning in different situationsare they engaged at church socially in other situations outside of school 2. Do they have at least one friend Some kids thrive on a large social group others prefer one or two close friends. Either is okay. 3. Look at grades as an indicator. Some kids just give up because they feel they cant measure up no matter how hard they try. If grades start falling suddenly it could be an indicator of concern. 4.Havediscussionswithyourchildren about sleep healthy eating and use of technology and let them participate in the decision-making. You may feel like it goes in one ear and out the other but they do generally take in more information than they care to admit. continued from IsItARacetoNowhere Page 36 The movie asks What does it take to produce a happy motivated creative kind of kid The balance between all of the expectations placed on them is very delicate. They need to each find their own way so hopefully their race is to SOMEwhere just right for them.