b'long run and have an easier time managing life transitions.Those who dont have a vibrant life outside of family duties may experience anxiety and depression when the caregiving role is AT SOME POINT, CHILDRENsuddenly gone.At some point, children dont need a full-time parent any more.Instead of feeling sad about the child leaving, congratulate yourself on a job well done.My friend Dorothy DONT NEED A FULL-TIMEraisedherchildrentobeindependentandself-sufficientand to make good choices.Should she be surprised that they have PARENT ANY MORE.INSTEADturned out exactly as planned?Now they call to check in with her and talk about what theyre doing.Sometimes they need advice. OF FEELING SAD ABOUT THEBut they dont need her as a caregiver like they used to.Its actually very liberating.To Dorothy, Dr. Sandy would say, Well done! Now, what would CHILD LEAVING, CONGRATULATEYOU like to do? Lets focus on the positives. Neuroscience tells us, By Barbara Glass in short, You are what you think.Focusing on positive thoughts YOURSELF ON A JOB WELL DONE. actually changes the chemistry of the brain by increasing the serotonin level.Serotonin is a chemical neuro-transmitter that contributes to overall well-being:thus, it is possible to rewire your brain with a more hopeful vision.Dr. Sandy calls positive thinking, Taking back your power.I never saw this coming.Of course, I was happy for my childrensOur children grow up. They lead productive lives, often marry success but did not expect to be so depressed once they actuallyand have children of their own.They make their own decisions, left home, says my friend Dorothy.She recently moved thehandle their own problems, and have marvelous stories to bring youngest of her three children to a college apartment.The drivehome as adults.Parents get to know their children all over again home from the university began happily with car windows rolledas adults, along with getting to know themselves.When children down and music playing.Her thoughts were on redecorating andleave, its the beginning of a new adventure for parents to create work-related tasks.After a few days of quiet, however, Dorothya purposeful life.Its time to put caregiving aside and focus on found herself staring blankly at the dinner table that was setyourself.Hobbies, travel, time for new friends, books to read.Its only for herself.Her plans for filling her new-found spare timetime to fill up your time with the you that has been misplaced became blurry and then vanished.She took a nap instead. alongtheway.Itstimetoreconnectemotionallywithyour Dorothywasexperiencingdepressionfromwhatsomecallpassion and move forward.a passage or a transition from a child-centered existence toEmbrace your children and embrace yourself.Its time to write the next chapter of her life. According to Dr. Sandy Gluckman,your new script.Where will you start?It isnt really a transition at all.Its a parent whose identity has been so connected with the child-rearing role that she is unableEditors Note: Dr. Sandy Gluckman is a learning and behavior specialist, to define herself as a separate being.This woman is saying I dontworking with parents whose children have attention, behavior, or mood know who I am. Its not a transitionits an identity crisis.problems to find drug-free solutions. Find her at 972.758.1246 or sandy@This is not an uncommon phenomenon, especially for womengluckmangroup.com.More information is available at: who had children at a young age, never had a trade or career andwww.drsandygluckman.com.did not have the resources to develop an adult identity apart from the role of parent/caregiver.Moreover, many parents choose to become immersed in their childrens activities at the expense of their own interests.Many parents are consumed with driving from one practice to the next, dance lessons and tutoring whenTHOSE WHO DONT HAVE A children are young and attending doctors appointments, games, plays, and special events in the teen years.Just spending timeVIBRANT LIFE OUTSIDE OF with childrenriding bicycles, vacationing, and doing household chorescombines with supportive tasks like laundry, cooking, and shopping to fill time.In fact, it can fill all a parents time atFAMILY DUTIES MAY EXPERIENCE the expense of personal time.Dr. Sandy often meets with young parents and encourages themANXIETY AND DEPRESSION to develop outside interests early.If they like exercising, painting, or sewing, she suggests they set time aside to keep doing theseWHEN THE CAREGIVING ROLE IS things as their children grow up.Parents need to have their own fulfilling lives apart from their children.In fact, parental hobbies invite and teach children about developing their own interests.InSUDDENLY GONE.her long experience as a professional psychologist and counselor, Dr.Sandybelievesthatthoseparentswhoincorporatetheir outside interests into their lives make happier individuals in the GoodLifeFamilyMag.comMAY | JUNE 201923'