GoodLifeFamilyMag.com SEPTEMBER | OCTOBER 2017 45 RULES OF THE GAME PUT TOGETHER A TEAM In the healthiest families, everyone’s on the same team. When teens feels connected, cared for and loved, it makes all the difference in how they navigate the ups and downs of life. Your team may include family members, friends or professionals. Just make sure everyone’s informed and supportive. Make a game plan. Talk openly with your teens about their emotional and mental health. Choose a time that is relatively calm and free of distractions. Pay attention to what they’re saying and not saying. Are they focusing on the negative? Do you sense stress or anxiety in their voice? Ask short, open-ended questions. Offer observations like, “It concerns me that you spend so much time alone. Are you okay?” Practice good form. Remember that you set the standard as the parent. Stay up-to-date on mental health tools and resources. Consistently model best practices for healthy coping skills, such as: • Devoting time to hobbies like music, reading or physical activity • Engaging in selfless acts like volunteering, worship or doing special things for family or friends • Investing in creative outlets like writing, drawing or crafting GET IN THE GAME Know the signs of emotional or mental distress, so you can take appropriate steps in a timely manner. Yellow Flags: Signs of Stress • Inability to concentrate or make simple decisions • Memory lapses • Easily distracted • Less intuitive or creative • Negative thinking • Extra sensitive to criticism • Lack of motivation • Low self-esteem • No time for relaxation or pleasurable activities Red Flags: Signs of Depression or Anxiety • Sense of hopelessness about the future • Drastic changes in behavior or personality • Withdrawal from friends, family and society • Weight loss or weight gain • Persistent depressed or irritable mood • Feelings of worthlessness • Inability to think or concentrate • Insomnia or hypersomnia Cool down if things get heated. Use the following techniques to de-escalate tension: • Keep your voice calm • Don’t argue or try to reason with a teen in an agitated state • Express support and concern • Give your teen space • Listen and be patient End the conversation on a positive note. Ask how you can help or what is needed from you in that moment. If it’s out of your league, refer to a professional. Find a mental health professional who both you and your teen trust. Ask the professional how you can be involved. While your teen builds a relationship with the provider, seek out resources to further educate yourself, so you can help support and implement treatment recommendations. STAY THE COURSE Be part of the process. A mental health condition can be short- or long-term. Stay engaged, check in often, be patient and remember that it’s not your fault. Know the triggers and effective coping strategies, so you can offer proper guidance and care. It’s about progress, not perfection. Reflect on the ground you’ve gained. What situations or triggers led to a point of distress? What worked to reduce tension? Celebrate large and small victories to remind your teens of the feelings of relief, hope or positivity that they stand to gain. “TAG, You’re It!” can help you recognize and respond to signs of mental or emotional distress. Whether it’s mild stress or a severe mental health crisis, aTAG talk can help. TAKE IT SERIOUSLY • Listen. Don’t judge. Don’t act shocked or angry. • Let the teen know that you care and he or she is not alone. • Explain that no matter how awful the problems seem, they can be worked out. Depression and other mental health disorders can be treated. ASK QUESTIONS • Open the conversation. Say, "I’m concerned about you.What’s going on?" • Be specific. Paraphrase what you hear and repeat it back to them. • Dig deeper. How long have you been feeling this way? Have you felt so bad that you’ve thought of harming yourself? Are you thinking of ending your life? Do you have a plan? • Ask if you can help.Will you let me help you?Will you promise not to harm yourself until we’ve found some help? GET HELP • If the situation is not life-threatening, encourage your teen to speak with a mental health professional. Offer to go along for support. • If the situation is life-threatening, call 911 or a crisis helpline, or go to the nearest emergency room. Do not leave your teen alone until help is available. Take away anything that could be harmful. • Save the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number in your cell phone: 1-800- TALK (8255). It’s available 24/7. Talkingopenlyaboutmentalhealthisthefirststeptogettinghelp.