GoodLifeFamilyMag.com JULY | AUGUST 2018 57 R ecently author Ana Homayoun spoke in Dallas at two events, one through the Highland Park ISD Parent Educa- tion Committee and at the Grant Halliburton Foundation conference as the keynote speaker. Sierra Sanchez with Grant Hal- liburton Foundation says, “Parents, teachers and counselors want tools in their toolbox when it comes to how to handle social media, and she offers very practical suggestions.” Homayoun’s book, Social Media Wellness: Helping Tweens and Teens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World, focuses on three ma- jor tenets – socialization, self-regulation, and safety – and she feels strongly that parents need to help their children take ownership for their own use of social media. “The way we talk with tweens and teens has the most powerful impact on their ability to make proac- tive and prosocial decisions about their social media and technology use,” she says. She encourages parents to help their teens identify their values and think about whether the choices they’re making reflect those and if they are helping them to reach their personal or academic goals. Homayoun suggests “media agreements” with your teens and that parents themselves have agreements that spell out how they will be responsible for socializing within acceptable parameters; self-regulating what, when and how they will use so- cial media; and what they will do to maintain social, emotional and physical safety online. I love getting together with Suzy. Suzy is fascinating, witty, intrigu- ing. She just seems to have the gift that at times, seems not to be around as much – she has the fine art of conversation. How do we get that back, in this “brave new world” of newer and greater communication devices that bring us into a world that we would not have thought about twenty years earlier? And, what can we do to not lose this art? More importantly, how do we keep it around so that our kids are growing in it as well? Here’s a few points: MODELING We’ve got to look at ourselves and decide if we are allowing our kids to see genuine two-way communication going on in our lives. Are we spending most of our time allowing our kids to see only one side of conversation because we ourselves are only speaking into a phone? Technology may be changing parent behavior. Are our chil- dren getting to see and hear adult conversation with genuine and real conversation? CREATE A CONTEXT Perhaps social media has its place, but it is no place for real con- versation. Find a way to be in a real conversation with your teen or tween. I remember feeling that there was no genuine conversa- tion happening between my teenage daughter and me at one time. I found the context – Olive Garden. She liked the breadsticks and the salad! So, we began going, and we sat opposite each other. While she was munching, I was listening. And conversation began to happen. Our relationship was strengthened. Find a context where real com- munication can happen. This kind of communication is stimulating and fosters growth in the brain – growth in emotional intelligence, social intelligence, and the subtle art of knowing the consequences of your conversation. PRACTICE Just like math facts, practice makes perfect. We live in a busy world, and that busy-ness may be stealing us from engaging with our teens. But if our teens are going to continue to grow, I need to find time to get with my teen at Olive Garden. And of course, the context does not have to be at a restaurant, and can simply be in your den, or your teen’s room, or out in the garage. But teens are not going to grow and develop in this necessary skill without practice. The parent must make and take time to help them to develop it. GET HELP If you cannot engage with your teen for any number of reasons, bring someone else into the picture. Find a “Suzy” to sit down with you and have your teen in the same place listening and perhaps even engaging with you. Ask a friend to sit down and just talk to your teen. Find a context with perhaps someone other than yourself to engage conversationally with your teen. Engagement, socially, in conversation is stimulating to your teen’s brain development. If we’re goingtoreallydealwiththeproblemofsocialmedia,weareeachgo- ing to have to do our part to really engage with each other and learn how to relate. Conversation is a wonderful way to help our teens and tweens grow and develop. If they learn this art in our homes, perhaps they will be able to pass it on to their own children one day. THE ART OF CONVERSATION TOOLS FOR YOUR PARENT TOOLBOX WHEN IT COMES TO SOCIAL MEDIA By Dr. Dean Beckloff | Contributor “The way we talk with tweens and teens has the most powerful impact on their ability to make proactive and prosocial decisions about their social media and technology use.” -Ana Homayoun, author of Social Media Wellness: Helping Tweens and Teens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World By AliciaWanek