GoodLifeFamilyMag.com JULY | AUGUST 2018 55 IF WE’RE MORE CONNECTED THAN EVER BEFORE, WHY IS LONELINESS ON THE RISE? I n the wake of the suicides of fashion designer Kate Spade and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, the nation is talking more about mental health and depression. These are medical conditions that require intervention, and thankfully the stig- ma is minimized when celebrities like Demi Lovato are discussing their struggles. Many of us can identify with the sense of isolation and loneliness at times. But how can we be lonely when we’re sup- posedly more “connected” than ever before? In England, they’ve even recently appointed a Minister of Loneliness. That’s how much of a concern it is. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, says, “We are facing a loneliness epidemic.” Use of social media may very well be one of the biggest contrib- utors to this nationwide concern. Dr. Brian Primack, director of the Center for Research on Media, Technology and Health at the University of Pittsburgh, appeared on the Today show and reported that in a recent study he’s conducted the more time young adults use social media, the more likely they are to feel socially isolated – lack- ing fulfilling relationships and a sense of belonging. Sierra Sanchez, Director of Outreach and Extension at the Grant Halliburton Foundation, speaks often to teens on this subject. She poses this scenario to them: Imagine sitting at a table with your closest friends but feeling like no one at the table really knows you. She says that inevitably a large number of teens raise their hand when asked if they can identify with that feeling. “When it comes to social media, it can create instant gratification or instant humiliation,” Sierra says. Every post, every message can build up our teens or make them feel less-than. “There’s a constant barrage of what you want people to see.” She refers to it as “a plat- form of comparison.” When teens are looking at the posts from their peers, they “…don’t always see that it’s not real life and think ‘I’m the only one struggling.’” What becomes important is talking to kids about the stressors in their lives and letting them know it’s OK to be vulnerable with peo- ple they trust. One of Sanchez’s favorite quotes is, “The projection of strength without vulnerability will always drive you into isolation and loneliness.” Hopefully, you can convince your teens they can trust you, their parents. Keep open lines of communication and talk about social media. Monitor what they’re posting and have dis- cussions about being smart about the choices they make in what to post. College admissions offices are checking applicant’s social me- dia posts, and whatever they post is accessible forever, even if they think it disappears after a short amount of time. What we want to ensure is that our teens aren’t missing out on establishing real interpersonal relationships. Dr. Primack likes to compare the difference between real life interaction and social me- dia conversations to the difference between eating an apple and eat- ing Apple Jacks cereal. They both taste good, but the cereal is a poor substitute for the original. On a recent weekend fishing trip with my kids, we started telling a story that got so funny we all were laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes. Moments like that couldn’t be cap- tured with an “LOL” and a laughing emoji – thank goodness. How can we be lonely when we’re supposedly more “connected” than ever before?