24 GoodLifeFamilyMag.com MARCH | APRIL 2018 The inner pain that this belief causes is immense. It affects  absolutely everything in the child's  life.  Every day, I see children and teens who are hurting emotionally, academically and physically because they cannot cope with the inner feeling that they can never be enough for their parents and their teachers; sometimes, even, that they are just not enough for this world.   What strikes me is that all these kids have such loving parents. And still the child is hurting inside! Why? It seems that even with the best intentions, we may be sending our kids the message that they could be doing better. Of course, this is not the message that parents intend to be sending, but it is certainly the message that the child is hearing. And the more we encourage and pressure them to be better, do better, behave better, the more they feel, “I am not enough.” By pushing our kids to the limit or seeking out popularity for them, we are actually making it impossible for them to step into their own greatness—in the way that feels real and right and inspiring to them. THE 4 MISTAKES THAT PARENTS UNKNOWINGLY MAKE MISTAKE #1 We want our kids to succeed so badly that we spend a great deal of time talking to them about what isn’t working and far less time speaking about all the wonderful things they are and do. I call this “inflammatory parenting.” We become preachy, give tedious lectures and repeat ourselves ad nauseum—sending the subtle, or not so subtle, message that they are not enough. This causes children’s stress to rise, which is detrimental to their spirit, body and brain. MISTAKE #2 We try to fix our kids, instead of fixing ourselves. We may not realize that the reason why we are so passionate about our kids succeeding is because we ourselves don’t feel enough. In my work and research, I have discovered that every child I see who doesn’t feel good about himself, has one or both parents who themselves feel like they are not enough. Kids know how we feel! So if we want our kids to be confident, we must model this attitude. MISTAKE #3 We think that if we tell them often how amazing they are, our kids will eventually believe it and develop a strong self-esteem. Trying to convince them doesn’t work. In fact, it often aggravates them and causes them to withdraw or get angry with us. MISTAKE #4 We allow traditional healthcare providers to treat any symptoms When is “GoodEnough,” Enough? 4 STEPS TO BUILD YOUR CHILD’S “I AM ENOUGH” BELIEF We all want our kids to become their very best selves. We support, encourage and prod them so that they can be everything they are capable of being. You would think then that our kids would be emotionally resilient and have a robust spirit; that they would be bold and gutsy. Yet, it is being widely written about that one of the greatest emotional epidemics of modern times affecting our kids is that they struggle with an inner core belief of “I'm not enough.” By Dr. Sandy Gluckman | Contributor