Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30 Page 31 Page 32 Page 33 Page 34 Page 35 Page 36 Page 37 Page 38 Page 39 Page 40 Page 41 Page 42 Page 43 Page 44 Page 45 Page 46 Page 47 Page 48 Page 49 Page 50 Page 51 Page 52 Page 53 Page 54 Page 55 Page 56 Page 57 Page 58 Page 59 Page 60 Page 61 Page 62 Page 63 Page 64 Page 65 Page 66 Page 67 Page 68 Page 69 Page 70 Page 71 Page 72 Page 73 Page 74 Page 75 Page 76 Page 77 Page 78 Page 79 Page 80 Page 81 Page 82 Page 83 Page 84GoodLifeFamilyMag.com JULY | AUGUST 2016 59 COPING WITH THE PAIN By Miki Johnston, MSW, LCSW | Contributor Social acceptance and the task of identity development are vital components of adolescence. Feelings of depression and anxiety associated with being bullied, coupled with social rejection,cantakearealtoll.Fearofretaliation,furtherrejection and subsequent isolation, or of being labeled a snitch often propel teens to "self-medicate" to soothe the pain. While the adolescent brain is maturing, teens often have difficulty expressing painful emotions. Every experience feels urgent and permanent. Finding a quick fix feels like the best solution. Unfortunately, most methods that offer immediate pain relief can have detrimental long-term consequences. Some of the most common, yet overlooked, ways in which victims of bullying cope with their painful emotions areself-harm,alcoholandsubstanceabuse,andsuicide. SELF-HARM Self-harmistheintentional,directinjuryofthebodywithout suicidal intent. Victims of bullying that resort to methods of self-harm, such as cutting, are uncertain how to deal with complicated emotions, and may have learned as a child to hide emotions instead of dealing with them. To those victims, self- harming behaviors may feel like a release. ALCOHOL AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE People often respond to rejection by seeking inclusion elsewhere. Unfortunately, victims of bullying often gravitate towards negative influences and are easily pressured into using alcohol and other drugs to feel a sense of belonging. A report from the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) shows that teens using drugs, alcohol, marijuana, or prescription medication to alleviate painful feelings often compound their problems leading to more serious mental health issues. SUICIDE Victimsofbullyingfrequentlyreportfeelingsofhopelessness. This emotional state can have a serious effect on the victim's mental health. According to a recent study by Yale University, victimsofbullyingare2to9timesmorelikelytoconsidersuicide than non-victims. As a parent, it is necessary to be educated about the ways teens self-medicate and to teach them healthy ways to cope with painful emotions. If your child, or someone you know, is being bullied, seek professional help or utilize the resources available in your community. Resources: • GirlillaWarfare | girlillawarfare.com • BeProject | familyplacebeproject.org • Suicide and Crisis Center of NorthTexas 24-hr crisis hotline: (214) 828-1000 goodTO KNOW The anxiety about where to sit at lunch on the first day of school is enough to turn the stomachs of kids and parents alike. It’s bad enough for those in or around the “popular” groups, but imagine how hard it can be for kids who have been picked on or made fun of by their own peers. For many of us, bullying was probably limited to the school day, however our children are growing up in a digital world where they face the threat of harassment 24/7. Can we pass it off as“kids will be kids?" It is not uncommon for children and adolescents, still struggling to find their own identity and acceptance, to unintentionally hurt the feelings of others. However, bullying is different; bullying happens when aggressive verbal, physical, or social behavior is used repeatedly and intentionally to hurt someone else, often by damaging a victim’s self-esteem, social status, and especially their relationships with other people. Unfortunately, bullying now includes actions not only in the physical world, but also in the virtual world. Who are the bullies? Contrary to popular belief, bullies are not always kids from damaged homes with poor role models and low self- esteem (though this is sometimes true). They are typically children who have a strong need to get their own way, feel comfortable using power to do so, and lack empathy for others. They may or may not be popular, but they always have the support of at least a small group of peers. They are both boys and girls, although they express their aggression in different ways: boys more overtly and physically and girls more subtly and socially. Who gets bullied? Someone who appears more anxious and vulnerable is more likely to be bullied, especially if they lack a core of peers to back them up. The victims tend to be less prone to violence and have a mature understanding of the need to resolve conflict with dialogue rather than violence. These mature values are often exploited by the bullies. Who are the “other” parties involved? These people are the Bystanders. They are the “assistants” to the bully (intentionally or unintentionally), the “kids in the middle” who feel helpless to intervene, and the “defenders” who continued on Page 75 “IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE POSTS A VIDEO…” RESOURCES LOCAL NONPROFIT Grant Halliburton Foundation | granthalliburton.org USEFUL WEBSITES samhsa.gov/tribal-ttac/resources/bullying-prevention samhsa.gov/suicide-prevention/bullying violencepreventionworks.org