Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12 Page 13 Page 14 Page 15 Page 16 Page 17 Page 18 Page 19 Page 20 Page 21 Page 22 Page 23 Page 24 Page 25 Page 26 Page 27 Page 28 Page 29 Page 30 Page 31 Page 32 Page 33 Page 34 Page 35 Page 36 Page 37 Page 38 Page 39 Page 40 Page 41 Page 42 Page 43 Page 44 Page 45 Page 46 Page 47 Page 48 Page 49 Page 50 Page 51 Page 52 Page 53 Page 54 Page 55 Page 56 Page 57 Page 58 Page 59 Page 60 Page 61 Page 62 Page 63 Page 64 Page 65 Page 66 Page 67 Page 68 Page 69 Page 70 Page 71 Page 72 Page 73 Page 74 Page 75 Page 76 Page 77 Page 78 Page 79 Page 80 Page 81 Page 82 Page 83 Page 84goodADVICE FIVE STEPS TO CONSIDER BEFORE STEPPING INTO A SECOND FAMILY by Dr. Dean Beckloff | Contributor It’s hard, there’s no doubt about it. Blending two families without any challenges is probably not going to happen. After a divorce or a death, it is perhaps natural to want to fill the void—and the need—for a deeply satisfying relationship. Thus, two good people fall in love and decide to remarry. They each have children, and they want, of course, to make it work. I have had plenty of folks who made it work, and beautifully. I’ve also worked with families who ultimately crashed—and the new family is unsalvageable. Another divorce takes place, and everyone goes back to their respective families. Perhaps wounded even more. There are reasons behind the ones that work, and the ones that do not. And there are steps to ensure that the chances for success are heightened. STEP ONE: DON’T JUMP INTO A NEW FAMILY TOO QUICKLY, NO MATTER HOW RIGHT IT LOOKS! I’ve had many folks who felt that they were “meant” to bring the two families together. The previous kinds of losses seemed so similar. The upbringing of each parent was the same, the likes and dislikes are virtually the same, their goals in life are similar and the kids are “so right” for each other. First and foremost, for the sake of those children, do not blend too quickly. We know that dating for a while is important before getting married. When there are children, the same is perhaps even more true. Another broken relationship will be so much less than satisfying, so there are questions that need to be answered in order to ensure success. Some of these questions are: when do I begin dating again, when do I introduce a new romantic partner to the kids, when do we introduce our children to each other? These should be answered slowly, and time is the best answer for all these questions. STEP TWO: TAKE CARE OF FIRST THINGS FIRST—THE PRIORITY MUST BE THE CHILDREN. If a person has a child or children, they are the priority, not the relationship needs of the parent. This may sound harsh, but there is a responsibility that must be made to the child. And when you have children you no longer can think only of yourself. BPBC Beckloff Pediatric Behavioral Center A COUNSELING AND EDUCATIONAL CENTER focused on helping kids and teens TEEN COUNSELING | ADHD COACHING | PARENTING | FAMILY COUNSELING | PLAY THERAPY DIVORCE CARE | PARENT FACILITATION | SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY | TESTING AND ASSESSMENT Where Kids Become Kids...Again! 972.250.1700 | www.drbeckloff.com continued on Page 74