GoodLifeFamilyMag.com JANUARY | FEBRUARY 2019 25 At Good Life Family our tagline is “The Go-To Source for Parents of Kids Tweens to Twenties.” Many of us are parents of children in just that demographic, and we try to cover topics that we ourselves would like to read. In this issue, we cover the uncomfortable but very important issue of sex and what we as parents need to know in discussing sex with our kids. You may have thought telling them about the birds and the bees was hard enough, but it doesn’t end there. The risks and consequences of sexual decisions require many conversations. The percentage of teens in the U.S. who have had sex has declined since the 1980s, a report from the Centers for Disease Control and Protection (CDC) showed in 2017. Teen birth rates are on the decline, and 80% of teens reported using contraception when they had sex for the first time. For teenage girls and women aged 15 to 19 who had had sex more than once, 99% reported they had used some form of contraception before. Other studies have shown that condom use is up and that teenagers and millennials are having sex with fewer partners than generations past. The reality is still, according to the CDC report, that 42% of girls and women ages 15 to 19 who have never been married have had sex and 44% of young men. The rates are more variable for college students, but in 2017 at the University of Washington, a survey of 1,180 undergraduate students revealed that an average of 76.4% had had intercourse, 64.3% of freshman and 84.6% of seniors. There are so many components of healthy relationships and healthy decisions about sex that our kids need help navigating. Here we try to help you with some of the most important conversations you might want to have with your teens. NO. 1 | SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES Rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are at an all-time high. Data released by the CDC reported that nearly 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were diagnosed in 2017. In 2015, there were 1.5 million reported cases of chlamydia — the highest number of STD cases ever reported to the government — and people between the ages of 15 and 24 accounted for the largest number of infections. That same age group accounted for half of all gonorrhea cases reported that year. Some have postulated that because this generation didn’t grow up with the fear of HIV/AIDS, and because of the advancements in medical treatment, they just don’t worry about contracting an STD. Additionally, since only 22 states mandate both sex education and HIV education and many states teach abstinence only, the teens may just not be aware of the risks. USA Today has even suggested that in young adults, the rise in the use of dating apps may be playing a role in the rise in syphilis cases. Sometimes, they aren’t using any protection because their boyfriend or girlfriend has assured him or her they’ve never had another sexual partner. The diagnosis of an STD comes as a very unwelcome surprise. Dr. Katrina Walsh, an OB/GYN in Plano for over 25 years, has seen this trend in her own practice, sometimes with lifelong consequences. Because 50% of women with chlamydia don’t show any symptoms, there can be severe damage to their fallopian tubes and ultimately infertility before they’re even diagnosed. “What I’ve also seen in my practice is an increase in oral-genital STDs,” she reports. These are contracted through oral sex. She reports having seen more pharyngeal chlamydia in younger women. Gonorrhea and syphilis can be transmitted this way as well. One easy way to reduce the risk of contracting an STD is for your teen to get the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) shot. She points out that this vaccine can reduce the risk of pre-cervical cancer by 73%, although it only protects against 4 to 9 of the hundreds of strains of the disease. In one study of a group of young women who got the vaccine as college freshmen, less than 1% had been diagnosed with cervical cancer at the end of four years. Dr. Walsh assures parents there is no reason not to get the vaccine. “Even if your teen adheres to abstinence… I, as a mom myself, would want to protect my daughter when I know there is a vaccine that can prevent a serious disease.” Of course, abstinence is the best prevention, but condom use, avoiding oral sex and getting tested for STDs if they are sexually active are crucial. “Always use protection!” Dr. Walsh tells her patients. Parents can’t be scared about talking about STDs with their kids, and it should be before they’re sexually active. If they aren’t hearing about the risks at school, let them hear it from you. NO. 2 | DATING VIOLENCE Though certainly not always sexual in nature, domestic violence is not an issue reserved for those in marriages or domestic partnerships. Whether physical, verbal/emotional, digital, sexual or spiritual, it is a reality in many teen relationships as well. The Genesis Women’s Shelter and Support in Dallas reports that between the ages of 16 and 24, girls and women experience intimate partner violence at almost 3 times the national average; that 1 in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend; and 1 in 3 girls in the U.S. is a victim of abuse from a dating partner. You may be surprised to know the average age at Genesis’ shelter is approximately 25. “No one is immune. It’s an equal opportunity epidemic,” says Jan Edgar Langbein, CEO at Genesis. She reminds us that domestic/dating violence is an issue that cuts across all racial, socio-economic, cultural and even gender classes. As parents, we need to teach our children about healthy relationships and make sure they know abuse is NEVER okay. Some red flags could be that your child’s boyfriend or girlfriend has an explosive temper, seems to make all the decisions, shows extreme jealousy or controls who they can see or talk to. Though it’s always important to look for any signs of physical, verbal or sexual abuse, in this day and age, oftentimes the abuse is digital. A boyfriend may demand passwords and access to a girl’s phone as a means of control. Digital messages are often a source of “verbal”/emotional abuse. “Verbal and emotional abuse is also deadly,” Jan says. “It destroys our souls.” She believes we have a responsibility to “make sure we know what our kids are being exposed to” via text or social media. The best thing you can do is to keep an open line of communication with your child. Jan encourages parents who are concerned to “bite your tongue” and ask “How?” and “Why?” so the teen won’t shut down and walk away from the conversation. Genesis offers a list of teen dating violence talking points including: “What would you want me to do if I noticed red flags in your boyfriend/girlfriend?” or “What do you think are traits or actions you would want to see in a partner?” “What could I do or say that would help you feel safer to talk to me about your dating relationships?” Remember, too, that teens are often talking more to their friends than to their parents, so talk to them about how to handle it if they believe a friend is experiencing