By Mercedes Korngut | Teen Contributor
According to psychologist Sonja Lyubermirsky, connection is one of the top keys to feeling happier. Moreover, teens and young adults are categorized to be statistically one of the unhappiest demographics. How can we find just a bit more happiness in daily life for both parents and teens? Connection!
Now, here comes the looming question: If your teen or tween is resistant to spending time with you, having open and honest conversations, and connecting, how can you build your bond? I am a seventeen-year-old, who has co-founded a company, Small Bits of Happiness, on the mission to help people of all ages (especially teens!) find more happiness in everyday life, build happy habits, and boost parent-child/teen connection. Here are some of my top tips to connect, converse, and build a bond with your child.
CONNECT:
To connect with your teen, engage in activities that they enjoy. This does not need to be a full-day event! Perhaps ask them to show you how to play their favorite video game, join them outside on the basketball court, or offer to let them choose a fun excursion for you both. If they don’t have any ideas, suggest an art class, cooking class, hike, sports game, or even lunch together. By giving your teen the choice of how they would like to spend time with you – and by showcasing genuine interest in their hobbies – you’ll find a smoother conversation, experience, and connection.
CONVERSE:
Many times, teens withhold their experiences, thoughts, and feelings from parents. We might not share what happened at school, why we’re feeling sad (or that we’re even experiencing this emotion), or another important aspect of our lives. This lack of communication often drives a wedge between parents and teens. How can you prompt your teen to open up? Avoid asking direct questions in situations such as dinnertime or while driving (i.e. why are you so quiet? Or, what happened at school?). These direct questions may come off as confrontational, driving teens to simply shut down the conversation with a classic “Nothing’s wrong”, or “It was just a normal day”. Instead, do activities together, and establish a flowing conversation with your child. Perhaps fold laundry side-by-side, cook dinner, or go for a walk with your dog.
Begin by sharing how you feel to build an even ground. Perhaps you’ve had a busy week, you had trouble sleeping, or had a stressful case come up at work. Now, ask your teen to share how their friends are doing – showcasing a genuine interest in all aspects of their life. How is their sport going? An activity? By taking the indirect approach, sharing how you feel, and focusing on aspects of your teen’s life, rather than directly on them; you’ll be able to foster more authentic conversation. Slowly, your teen will get more comfortable with opening up, especially as the timeline of your shared activity (i.e. a walk or folding laundry) progresses. Most of all, make this intentional time spent together a regular part of your routine – not simply once a week. Even a simple and short walk around the block, nightly routine of folding laundry, or playing a round of cards together, is enough to build this habit with your teen.
Need some conversation starters? As a teen, these are some teen-approved, non-confrontational conversation starters:
– How is (your teen’s extracurricular) going?
– How did the game/production go?
– How do you like your team, partner, or coach?
– What are you looking forward to?
– An upcoming holiday, break, or trip?
– Spending time with a friend?
– A movie/book release?
– What’s your favorite family tradition?
– A Christmas recipe?
– A well-watched movie?
– An evening ritual?
– We should watch a movie together, this weekend! What movie would you like to see?
– If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be? (Share yours too!)
My teen sister, Anastasia, and I have designed an activity box called Mission: Small Bits of Happiness. This card activity box contains 100 unique, simple, and fun things to do to feel happier daily, build happy habits, and boost parent-child/teen connection. Activities include conversation starters, reflection prompts, things to do together, and more. Check it out on our website, smallbitsofhappiness.com
Above all, keep in mind that in order to build a relationship with your teen; time and effort is needed. Build the habit of spending time together, and discussing lighthearted topics, eventually getting into deeper conversation.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mercedes is a teen who is passionate about helping other teens find small happiness in daily life. She is the producer and co-host of podcast, Hack Your Happiness, and the editor of all Small Bits of Happiness media videos. In addition, Mercedes is a contributor to various magazines across North America, writing on the subject of happiness and parent-teen connection.