By Tanni Haas, Ph.D. | Contributor
While low levels of stress are normal, stress can be damaging to your kids’ physical, mental, and emotional health if it comes in high doses and persists over time. If that’s the case, what can you do to prevent your kids from becoming overwhelmed by high levels of stress? Experts agree on the following points:
Take Good Care of Yourself – and Model Stress-Free Behaviors
It might sound counter-intuitive, but the first and most important thing is to take good care of yourself and try not to get stressed. ”Stress is really contagious,” says child psychotherapist Lynn Lyons, the author of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents. “When parents are stressed out, kids are stressed out.” Try to stay calm and model stress-free behaviors to your kids. “Just like flight attendants advise adult passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before assisting others,” says child psychologist Dr. Jamie Howard, “parents need to attend to their own physical and emotional needs to be able to best support their children.” This means that you should avoid being tired or hungry for prolonged periods of time, and that you should seek emotional support from other adults when needed. “If you take care of yourself and schedule time for your own needs,” says professor of child psychology Dr. Amy Przeworski, “your child will learn that self-care is an important part of life. Children learn behaviors from watching their parents. So when you think about your child’s psychological well-being think about your own as well.”
Children learn behaviors from watching their parents. So when you think about your child’s psychological well-being think about your own as well.”
Dr. Amy Przeworski
Educate Your Kids about Stress and How to Recognize It
Educate your kids about stress – what it is and how to recognize it. Mrs. Lyons says it’s important that you teach your kids “to understand their own bodies and the physiology of stress.” Specifically, kids need to learn to tell the difference between normal and stressed reactions to what’s happening to them. “While it’s normal for a child’s stomach to feel jumpy on the first day of school,” says Mrs. Lyons, “leaving class because their stomach hurts or waking up repeatedly with a headache is a sign there’s too much going on.” Child psychotherapist Katie Hurley, the author of The Happy Kids Handbook, agrees: “To help your child connect the dots, draw the outline of a body and pinpoint different places where stress can cause problems.” Explain to your kids all the common physical symptoms of stress, including backaches, headaches, neck aches, and stomachaches, and help them see where and how they react when they are stressed. As Mrs. Hurley puts it, “the more kids understand the connection between symptoms and stress, the better able they will be to seek help.”
Help Your Kids Become More Resilient
Besides teaching your kids how to recognize stress, also try to make them more resilient towards it. One useful technique is to teach your kids to take a couple of deep breaths when they are in a stressful situation. “Taking deep breaths can actually have a physiological effect on the body,” says licensed mental health counselor Janice Halloran, the author of The Coping Skills for Kids Workbook. “When you’re stressed, your body goes into fight, flight or freeze mode and your breathing automatically gets more shallow. To trick your body into getting back to a more restful state, take deep breaths.” It’s also useful to practice relaxation techniques with your kids. Dr. Przeworski recommends teaching your kids to imagine themselves somewhere relaxing, like the beach or in a backyard hammock, and then imagining all “the sounds, smells, and sensations associated with the image.”
“Taking deep breaths can actually have a physiological effect on the body.”
Janice Halloran, licensed mental health counselor
You can help make your kids more stress-resilient by encouraging them to confront their fears head on instead of shying away from them. Licensed psychotherapist Amy Morin, the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, makes this important point with the example of elevators. If your kid is afraid of elevators and you always suggest taking the stairs instead, you are essentially teaching your kid that s/he must be too fragile to take the elevator: “They grow up thinking, ‘I’m not a capable person. If I’m afraid of something, I shouldn’t do it. My parents don’t believe in me, why should I believe in myself’”? Once again, kids model what their parents do. “If children are surrounded by adults who model resilience,” says child psychologist Dr. Lyn O’Grady, “through their own behaviours as well as by explicitly teaching and practicing the social and emotional skills, they will be more likely to develop resilience themselves.”
Cultivate Stress-Free Activities
Finally, cultivate stress-free activities for your kids to do whenever they feel like they are about to get stressed. Mrs. Hurley suggests that parents create “stress-free zones” or “relaxation centers” in the home where kids can engage in their favorite activities. Similarly, Mrs. Lyons recommends that parents encourage their kids to engage in activities that are characterized by “pure play” – with no winners or losers, no particular end goal, and therefore no pressure to perform or reason to get stressed, such as outdoor sports like bike riding, hiking, and running.
About the Author: Tanni Haas is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College
Editor’s Note: This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not constitute medical or other professional advice.