By Alicia Thompson | Staff Writer, GoodLifeFamilyMag.com
It’s probably apparent to you more so during the laid-back days of summer. When your teens have fewer demands on their time, what are they doing? It’s likely your kids are spending a lot of time on their phones, and if they are like up to 95% of US teens age 13 to 17, they’re on social media platforms. As parents who didn’t grow up with the technology our kids have access to, we have questions. What are they watching? Who are they communicating with? How much time is too much? What is a streak anyway? How much oversight should I have?
In light of the US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy’s suggestion in May that platforms require a warning about social media’s negative impacts on the mental health of adolescents, it’s a good time to reevaluate how to handle social media use with our kids and why it’s important. Murthy’s statement points to a recent survey showing that the average teen spends 3.5 hours per day on social media. As parents we need to examine the impacts of media that they will access for over 1000 hours each year.
Dr. Dean Beckloff of the Beckloff Behavioral Health Center in Dallas is in favor of the warnings. “Teenagers are not stupid people. They may actually consider (the warning) and make different decisions.” He adds, “I think there are parents who really don’t understand the risks.” Beckloff knows, “It’s a clear link between what teens are exposed to and body dysmorphia, suicidal ideation, and all kinds of other things. …Social media exposes tons of people to other people who are suffering with depression and anxiety, and teens – and younger- are especially influenced by this exposure.”
Beckloff points out that, through social media, “everyone knows everyone’s diagnosis.”
“Social media may perpetuate body dissatisfaction, disordered eating behaviors, social comparison, and low self-esteem, especially among adolescent girls.”
US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy
Teens can find themselves attributing symptoms they hear someone talking about to themselves or see standards to which they don’t believe they can ever “measure up.” Murthy’s statement says, “Social media may perpetuate body dissatisfaction, disordered eating behaviors, social comparison, and low self-esteem, especially among adolescent girls.” Licensed professional counselor Keri Lawrence has experienced those concerns with the teens she sees in her practice. A lot of social media is, as she says, “an assault on self-esteem …This generation believes more in the image of who they are and not who the reality is of who they are as individuals.”
Being on a device for such extended periods of time, there are consequences on the brain and, ultimately, behavior, that stem from the use of the device and not just the content the kids are viewing. Beckloff and Lawrence are very concerned about the impact of social media on teens’ executive functioning.
The Cleveland Clinic defines executive function as the mental processes that help you set and carry out goals – skills that are used to solve problems, make plans, and manage emotions. The three main functions are working memory, cognitive flexibility, and inhibition control. Executive functions begin developing at six months but are not fully developed until early adulthood. The sleep disturbances, decreased human interaction, inability to change activities, and shortened attention span shown to be affected by excessive social media use all affect the executive function of our teens – and, more concerning, may continue to affect their function into adulthood.
Lawrence believes, “executive function is also all about confidence.” After over 30 years of professional experience, she’s observed increased anxiety and more panic attacks in the teens she sees, but she’s even more disturbed by the trend toward kids that struggle to maintain eye contact during conversation, to advocate for themselves, speak with people they don’t know, or to be assertive enough to get their needs met. She points out that all of these skills are based in the frontal lobe of the brain, as is all executive functioning.
She says that it’s even affected her ability to do traditional cognitive behavioral therapy, a technique based on the idea that an action causes a belief that causes an emotion that causes a behavior. Lawrence says, “where I lose kids is being caught up in the ‘feels.” The kids struggle to think through a problem and can only focus on the emotion they are experiencing. She believes that social media caters to the teen’s right brain which is more creative and not the left brain which is more rational and that social media, in a way, is “programming” kids to only use certain areas of their brains.
All is not lost. Beckloff says it’s not too late if a teen’s executive function has been affected. There are techniques to improve cognitive function and simply decreasing the social media use and replacing it with healthy brain habits can help. He emphasizes that for many families counseling can be especially helpful. Not only does the counselor take on an objective role, but the interaction with real people to encourage real engagement that’s healthy and positive can, in and of itself, help build those synapses to improve brain function while addressing the issue as a family.
Social media is here to stay, so what can parents do?
- Set limits together.
Beckloff and Lawrence both suggest that families sit down and have frank discussions about social media and rules for their home. They both suggest putting away phones during meals or other family time. Beckloff points out that there are apps that will alert parents when teens have exceeded certain time limits.
- Exercise
Beckloff points out that exercise helps grow synapses in the brain and helps to promote stronger focus and attention. The Cleveland Clinic suggests that exercise that also uses cognition, like playing a sport, does even more to improve executive function. Plus, taking a hike with your family is time away from the device.
- Provide opportunities to not use social media
Lawrence says helping kids “beef up” relationships with peers is important. Getting a part-time job also improves socialization and focus and gets them off social media. Beckloff says that just being with another person strengthens the brain, and the interaction stimulates executive function.
- Model the behavior you expect from your child
“The number one thing we can do as parents is to model the behavior ourselves,” says Lawrence. If you set limits on your own use of social media, it’s easier to expect that from them, too.
- Slowly ease your oversight of social media use as they get older
“The screaming cry of a teenager’s heart is emancipation,” declares Beckloff, and “…it’s important to decrease the rules over time.”. If your teen can show you they can be responsible for limiting their use of social media, give them more autonomy so they’re ready to tackle the challenge alone as adults. Lawrence says the goal is to “cultivate trust.”
- Discuss the risks with your teen
Beckloff says, “Teens are in the land of narcissism” and think they’re “impervious” to danger, but make sure they understand the real risks to their mental health of the use of social media and why you are establishing limits.
- Let them know to reach out if they are experiencing mental health concerns
Let them know that if they feel depressed, anxious, or suicidal, it’s safe to tell you so you can help them find the resources they need, and be aware of the warning signs yourself.
About Dr. Dean Beckloff:
Dean Beckloff, PhD, LPC-S, is the founder of the Beckloff Behavioral Health Center (BBHC) in Dallas, TX. BBHC provides comprehensive mental health services for families and individuals, including behavioral issues, social skills, depression, divorce and co-parenting. BBHC’s licensed professional counselors specializes in the assessment and treatment of autism, ADHD, anger, anxiety, speech therapy, and more.
About Keri Lawrence:
Keri Lawrence MA, LPC is a licensed professional counselor who has provided psychotherapy treatment to adolescents, individuals, couples, parents and families since 1995. She has worked in inpatient hospitals, day treatment facilities, outpatient care and currently has a private practice in Allen, Texas. She is certified in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), IFS (Internal Family Systems), and specializes in trauma, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Complex Trauma (CPTSD) and DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder).
Editor’s Note: This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not constitute medical or other professional advice.