Social Media and Our Teens

Instagram. Twitter. Snapchat. Facebook. Chances are, you regularly interact with at least one or two of these social media platforms on a regular basis.Chances are, your teen is interacting with them A LOT.On average kids are spending 6 ½ hours per day looking at a screen, not including the time they’re using them to do schoolwork. Twenty-five percent of American teens admit to being connected to a device within five minutes of waking up.They are texting, posting, watching, blogging, messaging and hashtagging on social media all the time.

There’s no doubt social media offers a lot of benefits to adolescents at a time of life when establishing relationships, being connected, and figuring out your own identity is a part of development.But what about the downside?When teens are only seeing what others post online and are comparing their own lives to that reality, how does it make them feel about themselves?When kids can post hurtful or untrue messages online with little consequence, what are the ramifications long-term?

Recent Films Highlight How and Why SocialMedia has Become Sucha Part of Our Teens’Daily Lives

In recent months, I’ve had the opportunity to screen two movies that focus exclusively on our teens and their lives online.Connect, a project with former teen heartthrob and father of six teenagers Kirk Cameron, focuses on the issue from the standpoint of his conservative Christian beliefs as he interviews a variety of parents, teens and experts.Screenagers, a 2016 film by physician Delaney Ruston also provides input from those who have examined social media in different contexts and the reaction kids have to “screen time” and how we as a society are addressing the issue.

As a parent of three teens myself, I found that both films offered some helpful insights:

The teenage brain makes them especially susceptible to the pitfalls of social media.(For additional information see the GLF article on the teen brain in our Jan/Feb issue).In Connect, neurosurgeon Dr. Ian Armstrong discusses how the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls impulsivity and reasoning, is not fully developed until the early 20’s.The teens’ attraction to the constant stimuli coming through their device is too much for the teen brain to have the self-control to resist.

Dr. Ruston in Screenagers explains how the brain is wired for “seeking behaviors.”The new friends, new information, new messages, and new contacts online cause a release of dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward.However, over time it takes more stimulation to get the same response.Their brains seek more of that response – much like any kind of addict.

Additionally, studies have shown that the brain is physiologically not capable of multi-tasking, so the time teens are spending online and on social media is time they’re not focusing on schoolwork, face-to-face relationships or other responsibilities.

We are learning social media skills alongside our kids.In Connect Mark Gregston says, “It’s as new to us as it is to our kids,” and Kathy Koch says, “We’re the guinea pig parents” or the “pioneer parents” for how to handle screen time and social media with our teens.As part of that, we need to consider how we use our own devices and model the interpersonal relationships we want our kids to have with others. The parent of a child in Connect who had a scary online encounter with an adult predator reminds parents, “You shape how [our kids] perceive and process through the lens of your priorities.”

Teens are influenced tremendously by what they see and read online.Both films interview teens who have learned lessons through negative experiences online and on social media.One teen girl who was bullied online and considered suicide said, “The words they give you are the ones you believe.”Author of Schoolgirls Peggy Orenstein, says girls especially are bombarded by images that define what it means to be attractive.She points to a study showing that girls who were shown images of other girls in bathing suits over sweaters performed significantly worse on math tests given after the exposure.In another study Dr. Nino Ramirez, director of the Center for Integrative Brain Research at Seattle Children’s Hospital, told of a study in which mice exposed to constant media took 2 to 3 times longer to complete a maze.Even after the exposure to media was suspended, their performance never improved.What will studies show about all that exposure to media on our kids?

There are things we can do as parents.Cameron reminds us, “We can’t run from technology.”We’ve got to figure out the balance between time in true interpersonal relationships and time on our devices.Koch says the most important thing we can do is “engage” with our children, being fully present during designated time together.Gregson says that it’s important to see it as training, not teaching, them how to use their technology responsibly.“If I make all their decisions, they’re not learning,” he says.He encourages discussions, not lectures, as you establish boundaries.In Screenagers, pediatrician Leslie Walker says, “Kids appreciate limits.”Taking away their phones to ensure they’re getting good sleep for example may be necessary.The term “digital citizenship” – at home, at work and at school – is a new concept we all need to understand.Even companies like Google and Facebook are showing how productivity is increased when employees have time designated to get off their phones.

In two hours, each of these movies could only scratch the surface in exploring all the ways technology, screen time and social media are impacting society today, especially in our teens, but it gets the conversation started.It’s a conversation that will go on for a long time…

If We’re More Connected Than Ever Before, Why Is Loneliness on the Rise? 

In the wake of the suicides of fashion designer Kate Spade and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, the nation is talking more about mental health and depression.These are medical conditions that require intervention, and thankfully the stigma is minimized when celebrities like Demi Lovato are discussing their struggles.Many of us can identify with the sense of isolation and loneliness at times.But how can we be lonely when we’re supposedly more “connected” than ever before?In England, they’ve even recently appointed a Minister of Loneliness.That’s how much of a concern it is.Julianne Holt-Lunstad, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, says, “We are facing a loneliness epidemic.”

Use of social media may very well be one of the biggest contributors to this nationwide concern.Dr. Brian Primack, director of the Center for Research on Media, Technology and Health at the University of Pittsburgh, appeared on the Today show and reported that in a recent study he’s conducted the more time young adults use social media, the more likely they are to feel socially isolated – lacking fulfilling relationships and a sense of belonging.

Sierra Sanchez, Director of Outreach and Extension at the Grant Halliburton Foundation, speaks often to teens on this subject.She poses this scenario to them:Imagine sitting at a table with your closest friends but feeling like no one at the table really knows you.She says that inevitably a large number of teens raise their hand when asked if they can identify with that feeling.

“When it comes to social media, it can create instant gratification or instant humiliation,” Sierra says.Every post, every message can build up our teens or make them feel less-than.“There’s a constant barrage of what you want people to see.”She refers to it as “a platform of comparison.”When teens are looking at the posts from their peers, they “…don’t always see that it’s not real life and think ‘I’m the only one struggling.’”

What becomes important is talking to kids about the stressors in their lives and letting them know it’s OK to be vulnerable with people they trust.One of Sanchez’s favorite quotes is, “The projection of strength without vulnerability will always drive you into isolation and loneliness.”Hopefully, you can convince your teens they can trust you, their parents.Keep open lines of communication and talk about social media.Monitor what they’re posting and have discussions about being smart about the choices they make in what to post.College admissions offices are checking applicant’s social media posts, and whatever they post is accessible forever, even if they think it disappears after a short amount of time.

What we want to ensure is that our teens aren’t missing out on establishing real interpersonal relationships.Dr. Primack likes to compare the difference between real life interaction and social media conversations to the difference between eating an apple and eating Apple Jacks cereal.They both taste good, but the cereal is a poor substitute for the original.On a recent weekend fishing trip with my kids, we started telling a story that got so funny we all were laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes.Moments like that couldn’t be captured with an “LOL” and a laughing emoji – thank goodness.