So, what’s a parent to do? I don’t think the other extreme of being harsh and punitive or resorting to screaming and yelling is any help to our teen. That’s not going to help anyone, perhaps especially the teen or tween. Let me give you the secret – help them to use their own resources. Teenagers’ brains are in cognitive development, and they have a wonderful resource that is growing and will keep growing until they are 25 years old. Help. Your. Teen. To. Think. I know, I know, easier said than done. But this is the direction to move in to really help. Let me give you a personal example. When my daughter was in middle school, she had a huge social problem erupt. We as parents felt distressed and began working with her. Our own emotions were raw and throttling our desire to protect our daughter from a difficult social situation. But we were guided by our daughter. She told us in no uncertain terms that she needed to walk into those middle school doors and work on handling the situation, not run from it. Guess what – she was right. She walked in those doors, dealt with those difficult middle school girl relationships, and she prevailed. She befriended those she had a falling out with, and she ended up in high school with strong relationships, which have moved on into good adult relationships to this day. We were wrong, as parents, to want to swoop in and remove her. She was right and gained new social skills, even deepening relationships because of the challenge. Here are some tips for navigating this process yourself: 1Ask yourself, who has the problem? If it’s your teens or tweens, then they need to solve it. 2Encourage problem solving. Help teens to realize that they have an exciting resource, their own problem solving brain. And focus on the reality that problems can be solved; we are not stuck. It may take some time, but the problem can be taken care of. 3Get advice. Get the teen or tween in front of that person. It could be a friend, someone from a religious group, even a professional counselor. 4Find resources to help. Help your teens to realize this important lesson – that resources are available – and they need to find them. 5Be careful when there are legal issues. Perhaps there is a need for a juvenile attorney, but sometimes when the issues are smaller, they may need to be in front of a judge and understand the consequences in the world at large. 6Finally, trust your teens. Trust that they have problem solving abilities. Give them that kind of trust, then help them to solve the issue. This will be a gift that will last a lifetime and on into their own children’s lives. Editor’s Note: Dean Beckloff, PhD, LPC-S is the founder of The Beckloff Pediatric Behavioral Center in Dallas. He specializes in family counseling and parenting, working with children with emotional or behavioral issues, as well as children with ADD, Asperger's Disorder, and others. Dr. Beckloff also works extensively with families dealing with divorce issues. You can reach him at 972.250.1700 or www. drbeckloff.com Sign up today SAVE$75 IMAGINETOMORROW. *Hurry offer ends June 15th 2017 goodADVICE