GoodLifeFamilyMag.com MARCH | APRIL 2018 69 These needs, unfortunately, usually go unmet. As a result, adult children of difficult older parents are exhausted from contending chronically with many unpleasant emotions. They are demoral- ized from seeing typical interaction methods, like reasoning, re- peatedly fail to keep the peace with their difficult parents. They often feel betrayed and alone due to many disappointing experi- ences with mental health professionals they have consulted about their difficult parents. Therefore, my work with these adult children is designed to help them learn how to protect their hearts, how to effectively love their hard-to-love older relatives, and how to create a healthy legacy for their children. The core of my approach consists of essential tools with which they can equip themselves, including learning more about the sources of personality disorder or about dementia, gen- erating realistic expectations, setting boundaries, and avoiding pointless conversation with someone who is irrational. I believe that the reason people face so many struggles and dilem- mas in life, love and loss is so we will have many opportunities to learn from living and to grow from learning. Yes, even from hav- ing a difficult parent, you can move from a sense of victimhood to a recognition that you can leave a better legacy with your own children. In short, life is for learning and growing! I hold that, whether we are in our twenties, forties, sixties or eighties, what- ever adjustment life is asking us to make, we can and should grow into it. My job is to help adults grow into it, using psychological concepts, insights and skills. My vision is to build a CODOP community in Dallas. I want every adult child of a difficult older parent to know this: you are not alone, the tools for finding success are readily at hand, and you can grow into it! If you are, or know, an adult child of a difficult older parent, please engage with us via my website www.paulkchafetz.com, our Meetup group, my book, or by attending our free, public, monthly CODOP support group at 6:30 p.m. on the fourth Tuesday of each month at Unity Church of Forest Lane. Everyone knows some truly fine people in their thirties to sixties whose older parents treat them badly, with hurtful sarcasm, irrational demands, constant criticism, and undeserved anger. These frustrated, unappreciat- ed adult sons and daughters simply want to be good to their parents. In this unique handbook, Dr. Chafetz provides adult children of difficult older parents (CODOPs) the tools they need to protect themselves emotionally, effectively love their hard-to-love parents, and create a healthy legacy for their own children. "Parents know how to push your buttons because, hey, they sewed them on." - Camryn Manheim goodOLEDAYS